I am in bed today, unable to move let alone walk. I'm in agony, was supposed to be going out today but had to cancel, due to imense pain. I have an optition's appointment on Tuesday and hope to get some new glasses. I also hope to go out for lunch on Thursday with a friend, but obviously all that will depend on how i feel. I keep getting spasms in my back, which i never had before until earlier in the week. My brain-fog is unbelievable, my mind is all cloudy (foggy), i guess thats where it gets it's name from. I can't think straight, and when i try to think i get even more confused. I can't remember things and get muddled up easily, it is very distressing. I am going to try and go downstairs to eat, as I haven't had anything today, I ought to take some painkillers also.

 

Won't be able to write a lot today as I am in a bit of flare up. I am sitting on the sofa, afraid to move as i've just got reasonably comfortable. I have been reading a few things on fibromyalgia. Found a little banner/signiture thing that says. Fibromyalgia, a pain in the... well, everything. Thought that was very true. Also read a couple of poems that were very good. It explained the it well. This is one of them : You silently stalked me for many years, If it weren't for you, I'd have healthy inner ears, You tried to embrace me, I wobbled away You then became vengeful on a bright sunny day. You've rid me of work, friends and some family, You've invaded my pride and mottled my dignity, You now wake me in the middle of the night, With back spasms so painful I can't even fight, You're not my friend, so go away, You enjoy seeing me struggle every night and day. You 've caused me embarrassment, strife and grief, No wonder common people find you hard to believe, You wear evil faces from night to day, I've learned now to see them and hear what they say. You've taken from me my independence I once had, It 's a wonder you don't kill me rather than making me sad, Each day I am reminded of your hurtful ways, You gain pleasure from putting me into a foggy daze. My vision may be double, but I can still see, The vice that you hold which you implant for free. They advise me to get out and then say I am lazy, They are the one 's who are sadly so crazy, You must be proud of yourself, you have succeeded, To convince them I am no longer valued or needed. You've whirled me around until I can 't think, I finally stand up but my pride again sinks, I have a poor memory, slight balance and no rest, You invade anyone who strives to be their best. My head and neck hurt and my hips freeze and ache, Bright lights and loud noises send me whirling for crap sake. My mind wants to go shopping, driving and out, As soon as I try, you convey another doubt, I 've tried medications to keep you at bay, But you are too stubborn to allow me to play. I will never surrender to your evil desires, My Spirit is shielded, healthy and admired, You continue to embrace me, while screaming to be heard, I refuse to listen while you 're being so absurd. Although you have no medicinal cure You continue to invade bodies until you are pure, You have no voice, you heartless devil, But be prepared, because I 'm on the level. You 've chosen me to be your messenger, For this I am ungrateful I can assure, I will not speak highly of you nor smother them with lies, You are the one that I have learned to despise. You have ruined my life and altered my faith, For this you will pay dearly upon my own grave. I ask that you not replace me, as your heartless aura demands, Upon my journey back Home, I will place you at Gods Healing Hands. You're not my friend, so go away, You enjoy seeing me struggle every night and day. Anon... I feel very drained and confused at the moment, I can't think straight. Tried to play a game called Bookworm but all the letters were jumping about in front of me.

I have written for a while, im coming out of another flare up. Fell down the stairs again Friday gone, still a bit sore. Bought a new bed its coming week commencing July 5th, a memory foam divan bed so hopefully if i can't sleep at least i will be comfortable. I also got a new memory foam pillow. I used it last night, slept for 13 hours only waking up twice. Amazing. I didn't manage to get to the GP to sort out the referal to Rhumetology so have to make another appointment sometime.

I was very stiff when I woke this morning indicating that rain is on it's way. I have been very stiff most of the day and even more exhausted than usual... I made mash potato for dinner with Pork. I peeled the potatoes and put them in water a few hours before i did the pork etc. I just can't do it all at once. I tried micro sleeping today a friend suggested it. Sleeping for 15mins and then setting my alarm and getting up. It took me 2 and a half hours to go to sleep for 15mins! Not really worth it so won't be doing that again. I am writing a letter for the GP for my appointment on Wednesday, will do a bit every day. Will write down what my symptoms are and how they affect me etc, then we will write a proper letter to the Rhumetologist and hopefully get this sorted out. I hope that 'Auntie' Ashleigh isn't reading this, if she is, don't tell my dad as he doesn't know that I am ill...

Well, on Friday night after my last blog entry I fell down the stairs when my legs decided to stop working... I have a bruised bottom and back and a sore elbow but im okay... I went to the GP yesterday, a new GP. She believes in Fibromyalgia and is going to read all my notes for the last 19years and there will be alot of notes... she is then going to see me next wednesday and we will write a letter to a Rhuematologist who will examine me and hopefully diagnose me. She said that some Rhuematologists like to diagnose Fibromyalgia (FM) and some don't. I feel that whatever the diagnoses and prognosis, it would help me to know. At least then I can try and make the most of my life. I was asked yesterday by a neighbour what Fibromyalgia was, i wasn't really able to explain so said it was like arthritis, it's not really like arthritis though, arthritis can be treated, this can't. Arthritis is in small joints, this is all over. I already have to use a walking stick, I am scared of how much worse I will get. Also my medication has been changed. I am now on 8 paracetamol a day. Which is better than before but I don't think they will be strong enough. Time will tell.